Powerful encounters with God in unexpected places.
The Fresh expressions community gathering in September 2019 was around the theme of poets, prophets and dreamers - reconnecting with the margins.
In the afternoon I went most unwillingly (unsubtle Methodist allusion here - read John Wesley’s Journal for 4/5/1738) to a poetry workshop, which despite my reluctance was ok. I spent a while playing with the image of sailing a windsurfer in strong winds on choppy water and the exhilaration of harnessing the wind and navigating the conditions.
In the evening I got into conversation with Pete & Kath Atkins and Andrew Vertigan. I had not intended to, but found myself opening up to some big struggles I’ve been having in my spiritual life. These struggles had left me doubting my ability to do what I’m sure God has called me to. This has led to a weird kind of paralysis where I’m continually struggling to engage with my day job, because I’m no longer confident I can actually deliver what is needed.
They listened and offered good prayerful suggestions and lots of re-assurance that they’ve walked with me for many years and have seen me used by God so often that I shouldn’t doubt myself (but I still did!). They also offered wise counsel about the way forward in my national role for the Methodist role - I’m still thinking and praying through that bit.
As we turned to prayer Bob & Mary Hopkins (who’ve shared even more of my journey) came along and joined in.
I don’t remember all of what was said, but I remember two things in particular which were both prophetic words from Kath. The first was a sloughing off of the sense of failure which I’d been living under for some time - this kind of prayer works at an emotional and spiritual level which for me engages far more deeply than rational argument.
Next she shared an image of me as Clark Kent - puny, bespectacled ineffective, walking into a phone box ripping off the shirt and glasses and being transformed into superman. A powerful image that caused amusement round the table, but I don’t think I really ‘owned’ it.
I went to bed with lots to think about and pray about - but God hadn’t finished yet!
The next morning we moved on to dreaming (I shared a lovely conversation with Mary Hopkins about our dreams for the respective denominations that we love and serve (and occasionally get very frustrated with) - most of the content of that conversation disappeared under the impact of the next session.
We moved on to the prophetic - first with some wonderful teaching on hearing God from Ceri Harris (Accessible Prophecy). I shared with Kath Atkins who in the initial conversation said that God rarely spoke to her through verses of scripture to pass on. We turned to prophesying for one another - Kath asked me to turn on the Bible on my iPad because God had put Joel Chapter 3 in her mind. We read it together and she said - I think I’ve got it wrong nothings jumping out at me - little did she know!
I went back to a verse that caught my eye the first time through Joel 3:14 Multitudes, multitudes, in the valley of decision.
This verse is the title of a song from a hippy Jesus musical called Lonesome Stone. I felt that was important and felt strong emotions welling up inside me.
As we waited on God I had a powerful memory of a conversation I’d had with a member of the cast back in 1973/4. She was a heroin addict who’d been miraculously healed of her addiction when she met Jesus. She sang the key song in the musical inviting Jesus to come into her life and transform her.
She told me how she had been going through an awful time of self doubt and doubting in God. So much so that she felt she had to leave the cast and find another way in life. However, she couldn’t just drop out with no notice so continued to sing about an experience she was struggling to believe in.
One night she began to sing ‘Come, Jesus, Come, show me your way, your truth and your life’ raising her right arm towards heaven as she sang. She looked at her arm which a short while ago had been covered with needle tracks from heroine injections but was now clean. She told me how in that moment she experienced again all that God had done for her and was overwhelmed by the love of Jesus.
That memory triggered in me a whole series of flashbacks of how Jesus had shown his love for me and used me in so many ways through the years that I’ve been following him. As I write this it sounds quite rational and linear. I experienced it as a sobbing, incoherent mess. I sat in the hall as others went for lunch, drying my eyes then bursting into tears again. Now at a profound level, I know that I’m in the right place, with the power I need to be who God needs me to be and do what God needs me to do. The human affirmation the night before had been good, the encounter with Jesus literally blew my mind. The superman suit finally fits!
Prophetic encounters like this reach way deeper than rational argument and make profound changes at the level of the spirit - in time that filters through into rational thought and action, but for me lasting change begins with spirit and emotion.
Earlier in the morning, I shared a dream that I might be as passionate in the office as I am in the pulpit.
Watch this space!!!
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